A Lesson From Moses   

Story by: Kristine Barnes

On Friday, my husband and I are preparing to fly from our home in North Carolina for 10 days to visit our daughter’s family, my brother’s family, and attend a 25^th class reunion. My husband’s sister and her two daughters were also scheduled to leave the state on Friday to go to a concert in Las Vegas. The Monday before our scheduled departure, my father-in-law, who was in the beginning stages of dementia, needed to have his car repaired. However, he could not keep the name or location of the garage in his mind, so I drove the 60 miles to his home to follow him to the radiator repair shop. I brought him back to our home so he wouldn’t be stuck in his house without a vehicle.

The three days he was with us was a serious test of patience as Daddy’s dementia ruled. No matter how many times we repeated the situation with his car, he could not remember what we told him, and asked the same questions over and over. After returning him to his home on Wednesday with his newly repaired radiator, he remained confused and anxious, not recognizing he was back in his own house…the one he built with his own hands over 60 years ago. So, when my spouse began making noises about cancelling our trip to remain near Daddy, I was not happy.

After much frustration and soul-searching, I realized that we truly had no choice. Daddy needed us here more than I needed this vacation. The money spent on airline tickets also became a non-issue when we realized how messed up Daddy was. He had called the police to his home twice in two days for things he imagined.

So, instead of heading to the airport on Friday, we headed to Daddy’s home to help out. Even in his own environment, he remained very confused while obsessing over what we felt were minor details to us, but were a BIG deal to him. We had him tested to determine if some kind of infection was messing with his head. The tests came back negative. We realized it was time to find him a new home, despite his objections.

Now it was “time” to panic. How would we go about finding a safe place? How much will it cost? We know a facility near our home was $6k per month for memory care. Can we find him some in-home care so he can stay where he lives now? Or should we have him move in with us and try adult day care? Lots of questions…no answers.

I began to get a grip on myself as I received advice from others and did some research online. But I soon realized how STUPID I was for worrying when I know beyond a doubt that God has everything under His control. All we need to do is move forward, paying attention to details and clues around us, and watching doors open or close, in answer to our pleas for wisdom and direction.

If this situation causes us some inconvenience, so be it. Are our desires more important than Daddy’s needs? We must, and totally can, do whatever needs to be done. Just as with Moses, when God told him to tackle the job of leading all the Israelites out of Egypt, over the objections of Pharaoh, the highest authority in the land, we may have to do things for which we feel unqualified or even unwilling.

We may have marvelous arguments or excuses to avoid the task, but when we get over ourselves and start listening to the Highest Authority over all creation, we can see God leading us. We can proceed with confidence knowing that no matter what happens, if we are in God’s will, we are on the right path. If things get tough, we will get through. If the answers aren’t the ones we wanted, we persevere. If there is suffering, we know that Jesus has been there before us. If there is death, we know rest has been achieved.

Meanwhile, God continued to show his care and guidance. In our situation of concern for Daddy and disappointment over our cancelled travels, we have already seen a multitude of little signs and even gifts!! “How does He love me? Let me count the ways”:

• We were home, at the ready for Daddy’s needs.
• The girls were able to enjoy their Vegas get-away free from worry about Daddy.
• While on the road to Daddy’s home, I was able to have long phone conversations with the two girls I had most wanted to see at my class reunion.
• Our neighbor brought us two large tomatoes from his garden – yay BLT’s!!!!
• When I called Delta to inquire as to what information was needed to qualify us for a “medical exception,” the girl required only Daddy’s full name plus contact info for the clinic to which we’d taken him – she fully credited both our tickets, giving us a year to re-book with no penalties.
• Now we have a 2^nd chance to visit family during a less hectic time, and with more flexibility.
• Family and friends have shared their experiences of dealing with care for loved ones, giving us encouragement and ideas.
• We enjoyed a pleasant morning in our Sunday School class, then a lovely restaurant lunch with class friends.
• On the way home we passed an estate sale, popped in just for a quick peek, and came home with an antique twin bed for Daddy whenever we move him.
• My husband speaks with his Daddy numerous times a day, which keeps him grounded and feeling less alone. Daddy even actually said aloud (finally!!) that he is ready to move!! That in itself is a miracle and will make our job much easier!
• Today we have lots of leads for care options on which to follow up. Can’t wait to see what God has in store for all of us.

Postscript: Less than a year later, while Daddy stubbornly remained in his home, receiving care from all of us taking turns staying with him, and a sweet young woman we hired to visit him regularly, he became ill and was hospitalized. He was in the hospital and rehab longer than is usually allowed. Hmmmm, how did that happen? One afternoon as our deadline for moving him loomed ever closer, my husband, his sister, and I were in Daddy’s rehab room chatting, when we realized he had quietly stopped breathing and slipped away to his new Home.  God took care of finding for us, a safe place for Daddy to stay.